DAY 5 (21 letters to whom it may concern 21-5)

Hi there ! Life
It  has been 21 years since we have known each other,but I wasn’t sure if we were friends until now.
Sometimes I feel like I’m the luckiest person on earth just because I’m alive,and sometimes I feel like the breathe that you have gifted  me is suffocating.
That night when I met that person who was so full of you in my reflection,I told myself she should not just live in mirrors and that she should be more than a part of me ..that she should be my identity not just my reflection.
You have this weird way of explaining things and I’m a bit slow thank you for always being patient.
Remember that time when he came? I thought you were worthwhile like you were just perfect…..but when he left I didn’t get the point of why I was still alive.
That was a tough way to learn but OMG was it worth it.You were just trying to tell me that its not about anyone in between the deal is just between you and me and that no one who would come and go would make much of a difference between you and me.I hope other people who read this letter I wrote to you get the point too.
I get it,you are an awesome teacher you always repeat your lessons.You repeat until what is told travels from the head to the heart. That is good.But I still don’t get you sometimes.
What is it that you really want to tell me?
When I came to a land where I couldn’t understand the language and neither did I know anyone  I thought maybe I would take you to the wrong direction.I was so scared.I was nervous.Maybe we wouldn’t be friends anymore..maybe we would hate each other and never see each other again.Maybe I would do something you we both would be ashamed of,maybe I wont be worthy of you.
You proved me wrong.
Like you always do.I always had  a plan for you and it never worked. Trust me all those surprises that came in the way were overwhelming,your speed was hard to catch up with. So I just started going with the flow and let things be.You always have a plan for everybody that works out just perfect in the end.I like how you always move on regardless of whats happening.I like how you mind your own business and focus on what you have to do.
It is crazy how you offer different things to different people at different times and actually we are supposed to celebrate the difference but we end up being miserable
Like how you know some of my freinds are getting married,getting into harvard,having babies,getting awesome jobs,getting a toned body,getting into a relationship with the RIGHT guy,graduating and I am just here refreshing news feed on my Instagram looking for ”Inspiration”
Am I just ungrateful as a person who might be a potato from inside? I dont know
See difference confuses but uniformity bores and You know that so well…you tricky little thing life
Since we are friends already let me be more open  because every friendship requires transparency…just like I haven’t figured you out I haven’t figured myself out either.I hope you understand because I cant really describe myself…I don’t really know what the journey is about …you helping me discover myself or I discovering what you are really about.
Those days when my chest was so heavy and my heart was so empty,I thought maybe I wasn’t worthy of anything good that you have gifted me.Those days when everyone was applauding whatever I did and I felt like I wouldn’t need anything more I thought everything was worthwhile.I get the point now,the main lesson was to balance, to keep a bit of happiness and sadness with you all the time.To never forget where you came from.I wonder how you are so wise….
Dear Life.. they say curiosity kills the cat,its crazy curiosity has been the only thing that has made me ask questions.Maybe Im asking for too much but all I want  from you is to always be curios.I don’t want to be those who forget themselves in order to fit In.Im so thankful that you made me realize being miserable was okay sometimes.That happiness was not something you ask for happiness doesn’t come from anywhere but within.I will always remember that when my shadows are bigger than me I need to shine brighter.
That night I discovered the importance of news channels,I thought maybe you favor people,may be you were all about Americans.Little did I know that even Americans are sad sometimes.They are humans after all.I still don’t get how people who you have touched haven’t touched you yet,they still haven’t realized how you work. That is sad
Thank-you for the bravery,for the blessings,for all the lessons,for all the laughter and dances,for all the magical hugs that changed me forever,for those moments that changed the way I think until eternity ,for all that I cant explain,for all those things you quietly understood. Thank you for the love and discomfort,for the acceptance and rejection,for those songs in rainy days that defined companionship,for that night that made me not care about anything,for my mother’s point of view,for my father’s acceptance and for everyone and everything that happened in between.
I promise you until you are with me I will make sure I will be with you and will be alive no matter what season it is no matter what kind of day it is.We will always be friends..until infinity maybe even after you leave…because I guess  true friendships don’t die after death I mean I am still friends with my dead dog (RIP MICKEY I MISS YOU)
Love Always
Rae the rainbow