Bleh

There is no way in hell I would want to marry you out of circumstance and not choice..but then again you are the only one I see in my imaginary wedding photo…I dream of a sincere proposal that would melt my heart and a perfect photograph of that moment but from what is happening I don’t think that is going to happen either…
I decided that I would be the princess of my life and noone has dared question my decisions but now I do not have the power to decide what is to happen….maybe this should not have happened. ..maybe I should have never known you but just dreamed of a horse driven carriage wedding with some faceless man I would most likely love later…but you are the only one who defined love in my life..
I would never be able to forgive myself if I deprive myself of you because to live the rest of my life waking up next to your body is the only privilege I pray for at the moment. .but sadly this is not about me..this is about a lot of things that cannot be explained. .its about the people I respect and the people they respect and a lot of other people I do not know the names of…maybe this is just life…experiencing things you don’t want to in order to learn the lessons you have to….but then again whats living if its a life without you?