chapter 12

I miss my freinds.I miss myself when I was with them.I miss being stupid and positive….I miss smiling and everything in between.I used to laugh with my roommate till my stomach hurt every single day…and here smiling is  a pain in the ass.

I cant even curse…cos that is not what decent girls do…decent girls agree to marry strangers..yup and do not question anything…

because decent girls do not have a brain that functions.

I am listening to Macklemore at my office because I can and if you have a problem with it please do the honor of fucking off.

I am depressed as fuck as well… all the curse words in the world cant take out my frustrations right now.I do not have anything to look forward to and I just deal with complaints and nothing more.

I want to be the person I was before…I have no fucking magic left…someone drained away my magic powers..whoever did…dishonor on you dishonor on your family dishonor on your cow man…

I hope your daughter is not married till she is 22 and feels she is the ultimate pain in the ass.

To everyone saying depression is all in my head…you know what maybe my pain would have been more valid if I had cancer and I was in my last stage…and I was bald and people joined me in support group.Just because my pain is invisible and this hurts my brain does not mean my pain is not real.My pain is more real than my existence at the moment and it is frustrating that I do not know what to do with it.

Swearing at people does not exactly show disrespect it shows frustration and helplessness….because there is nothing else you can do…not accepting their flaws and expecting them to deal with it is what causes disrespect…not believing that she is worth it is disrespect….but ofcourse we have the right to think whatever we want.

Things have fallen apart inside of me in such a way that I my thought processing sucks….it sucks to such an extent that I do not know what I am upto…I am not aware what day it is…and days seem like decades….

depression does that….makes days feel like decades..and nights filled with nightmares….

if you have anyone suffering from depression and not know what to do…just dont tell them mean things and be there for them.They are already embarrased to wake up and exist…just dont make their life tough…okay? hug the fuck out of them and help them pull themselves together.

If you cant do anything atleast tell them they should not be embarrased of being alive.