Chapter 10

It feels like I am not supposed to be here or anywhere as a matter of fact,
People who occasionally visit me can’t stop themselves from calling me fat,ugly and things like how I’m going to end up alone
What they don’t realise is I am already alone.
My only freinds are those I don’t want to be with who keep on mocking me for my colorless .I share blood with those who don’t beleive in me and I don’t think anything can be more sad than that.
The one I want to share my everything with says not now,I would have to wait to feel things according to his convenience because duh who the hell has time for someone like me who is just a bag of disappointments.I try to desperately look for something good and he says there are worst days coming.Basically I am nothing just like I always was.

I miss carPe diem ,he never judged me.
Here I am just something else before I am me and it’s just a shame if I put myself first because decent girls donot do that,
I wish I just wasn’t here and I didn’t exist because I wouldn’t be like this.
Feelings and having a heart is a disease too, you can’t tell someone to just control their cancer or be strong enough mentally for their broken
bones….just like that you can’t tell someone to direct their depression to a direction of being fruitful.
I don’t know how long I will be here in this place,but the time doesn’t matter because I don’t matter