Well this is awkward.
I write when I am bleh and it seems I am bleh most of the times….but you know when I reach the height of ‘blehness’?
When you ask me to clean my room.
Like yes I am aware of the fact that when other people see my room they might be taken aback by the clutter of stationery and the heaps of books.
They might not even fancy my untidy closet and my messy study desk. Of course they will be astonished at how clean my face looks disregarding how I organise my cosmetics.They might not like the fact that the only comfortable sofa I have in my room is filled with clothes I am lazy to fold,my teddy bear and also might have crumbles of the chocolates I eat while binge reading.(There might be small pieces of kurkure too you may eat it if you find it,I discovered that during the winter the kurkure stick is still crunchy even if left unpacked.)
But well,this room is mine,so god damn mine that I pasted the ‘I LOVE ST.MARY’S’ sticker that I HAD to buy when I was in grade 8 while my school celebrated the golden jubilee.I wanted the world to know that I had to buy that damn sticker because of a Nepali teacher I feared. The thing I want them to know more than that is this room is mine.None else in the family went to that convent anyways.
I have rarely had fucks to give about how other people perceive my room because well I am there alone and I LOVE IT.Everything portrays how I feel to be honest.
Let me give you a technical explanation of why my room is so messy.
I do not organise my books in a shelf but put it near the windows in my bedroom because I like to see books by the window first thing in the morning.It gives me hope you see.To see sun kissed books by the window is something magical,makes me feel someday I am going to write books like that.
The reason my cosmetics are cluttered is because most of the times I am figuring out how to use them .I get bored via the process sometimes and just leave them in the middle of everything because that is what they do to me.I am not sure if I should be hiding my pimple or celebrating them.I recently discovered concealers but well they are pretty useless….it does not hide anything….it has not even hid my disappointment on my face after buying that expensive piece of shit.(Maybe expensive makeup will do the shit)
I do not like organizing my stationery because why would I?I might need them in the living room or my study corner or my bedroom,or my walk in closet or even my bathroom.That is the reason you find them everywhere and sometimes step on them.(I know it hurts sorry!)I do not know when what how things will inspire me…so I need to be prepared anytime with my stationery for they are my only weapons.
As for my closet….ermmm you see I am pretty indecisive about how I should look.I love dressing up but usually the attire I plan the day before is not the one that I will wear,that is always the case.So there is no need to plan what to wear the day before because I am freaking not going to wear them.So I just try and mess up all the organised clothes because I do not have time to organise them.I will mess them up anyways.Why waste 55 mins on organising and re-organising things that will end up being a mess anyways.I would rather be productive and day dream.
Now what else….about the sofa and my soft toys scattered….I like to remind myself that I am still a child.Some of my dresses smell like him so I like to put them on my sofa to breathe in perfume while i read.I know this sounds creepy as fuck but I am just in love …I am way less creepy than Edward Cullen.I just like how my boyfreind smells.That is all.
What is the use of showing myself as someone organised and figured out when I am lost myself?
Sometimes I do not even make my bed for there are days when I do not know what my dreams are.I do not open the curtains because what is the use of light from outside when I feel dark?
I do not fancy wiping the mirror because I sometimes have unclear pictures of myself in my head….what is the use of seeing reflections when you can’t even actualise yourself?
So yeah….I am a mess myself so I do not mind my environment being messy.I know where what is and I know how to reach out for things.Things are kind of arranged according to my convenience so yeah my room is not messy.
It just reflects the kind of human I am.
Cosy,unorganised,welcoming and …well I will leave it up to people who have to see my room to decide.
XOXO
raeesha.com 