It has been long since I wrote to you.It has been long since I wrote about you.
This does not mean you were not thought of.You were loved ever since you took me for the ride to Pattaya and gave me this super thick BATMAN comic.I was never paid attention to that way you know.You were loved even before you agreed to join that stupid yoga class because you were identified as a badass brown woman with amazing hazel eyes and a kind heart before I had time to form an opinion about you.
You were just like that,someone who listened and spoke to make things clearer.I do not know where you learnt that from,all that coolness and open mindedness.I do not know when you taught yourself how to put other people before yourself and consider yourself secondary.I do not know who told you that you were a pusher and did not have potential yourself.Whoever told you was DAMN WRONG!
You have been a free soul who was trapped in the wrong people and places,STOP feeling guilty for not meeting up expectations and stop compromising on so much of yourself.Sometimes we end up feeling like we are not worth it not because we are not but because of the environment.You are infinite and I can tell you that with all I am because you made me feel infinite.People who are not love cannot make other people feel love same way people who are not infinite cannot make others feel infinite.
Stop telling yourself you are not worth it when you were the one who made me see my worth.You will always tell me there was not much you did.You will always tell me it was all me but I wrote even before I could remember things.I was never confident about it unless you did what you did for me. No one had encouraged me as much as you and him did and this is why this blog is where it is today.I listened to you.I believed in you when you said you should not listen to other people when it comes to your capabilities even if it is your parents.This is what boosted up Rebellious Raeesha. This is what pushed me enough to believe in myself again.I do not know when you will believe in yourself again but I will do all I can to see that day again. You will always be the person who gave me the ‘the perks of being a wallflower’ moment in your car.You will always be the person who knew the best use of google.You will always be the person putting in the extra effort so someone else can go achieve what they had envisioned.
Why lay back when you can do the same for yourself?
I wish we went to the Eric Clapton concert we anticipated.I wish we did not let miscommunication define our relationship but whatever happens happens for the best and I am sure we both learnt the lesson we were to learn.I wish we stopped being so conscious of how we looked.The night in the tallest building (I forgot the name) I was blown away with the realization of how tiny we were and how big everything else was.The cigarette smoke’s grey was nothing compared to the clouds around your head.You were not clear of things and you did not know what to do with those clouds.You had forgotten by that point that you were the sun who could bring out the silver linings and erase them damn clouds.I did not know what to say to you so I just looked at you helplessly.The darkness under your eyes were intense and I could imagine what you thought of at 3:00 am at night.I did not know how you just decided this was all there was to your life.
That is what humans do,they show happiness they do not feel and hide sadness that is inevitably visible.I knew anything I said was not making a difference because you were determined to give up on yourself.Someone had left and you left all your worth in his hands.You forgot you had the liberty to take it back.You could not let himself go but you let yourself go.And I watched you do all that.I watched you drink and excuse yourself .I watched you zone out while watching the sunset by the riverside.I watched you say things about yourself you had not told anyone else.I kept quiet because what else can you do except helplessly be there for someone who had saved you?
I did not know what could change your mind.I did not know what would take the pain away from your eyes and what would brighten up your eyes like the way it did when you looked at him.It was definitely not him.Stop coaxing yourself with the what ifs and the could bes baby.
I hope you see your beautiful hazel eyes first when you see yourself in the mirror and then instead of sadness I hope you see that you are happiness for someone.I hope you remember someone got back her reason of being because of you.If that is not something amazing I do not know what is.
Stop being guilty for other people’s expectations.You are exemplary woman!
You are not made for corners you are the entire circumference,you are capable and you are not a compromise.
I hope this makes your day.
I love you
Thankyou for being a blessing in my life.You have made me a better person
raeesha.com 