FUCK its 2016.
its june 2016.
I don’t even know why it is 2016 already I am not even done laughing at the Mayan Calendar joke damn it.
The visions that I had for myself are not even on the to do list anymore.I went from being a grateful person to a groggy asshole in 2015. I do not even know how it was 2015.Someone please make the clock ticking so damn fast,I am not being able to catch up with anything.I am on Pause mode and everyone is Fast Forward.
Could I be 20 again and not understand the things I understand at the moment?
Could I be 18 and slap him and tell him to fuck off?
Could I be 19 and take Ghale for a long ride away from the hustle of Kathmandu?
Could I be 21 and not give a shit about what I wore in front of 7 girls who laughed at me?
Well now I know I can be a 24 year old who could just live in the moment and not give a shit.
I cannot be before this neither can I be after this because all I am is being not been or could be.
That sounds not so logical but life is not as smooth as Sara Barellies songs you know and it is june already…42 days….damn doesn’t life change?
42 days till all that could have been.and you are here with your feet not on the table instead of the ground.You are breaking away and are the perfect example of people do not always look like how they feel.
Queen of attention to details,your fantasies are never not going to dark,you are never not going to be afraid.
Will you really be able to live with this?
Will you be able to look at people and not feel guilty of existence?
Will you ever be able to dream of horse driven carriages and fireworks?
Will you ever be able to forgive yourself for placing other people before you?
Will you ever be able to take commitments and staying seriously?
Will you ever not be scared that he will leave?
It is june 2016.
and you are still the little girl afraid of a lot things people do not understand at 2007.
I hope you overcome this…and if you don’t I hope you are not born as a human again if the reincarnation stuff exists.