My whole life had fallen apart,I left home to be with the one person who promised to never give up on me and he did exactly opposite of all that he promised….He left me without the truth ..making me feel I did not deserve it.I was looking forward for a happily ever after,I ended up with a terrible beginning.He was already with someone else and me? I was an overweight person with dark circles like a panda who could not put herself together.I hated the world.It was a terrible ,ugly place with nothing to offer to me.It was cruel and selfish and was full of lies.It was disgusting and deceiving,I wished I could end the entire world for all that it had done to me.It was not trustworthy and it was definetly not someone that deserved the truth.
I hated how I looked,even more how I felt and there I was on a flight back home .If I did not go home that October,I do not think I would be writing this..(or any thing else as a matter of fact).I had no self respect.
”How could he?”
”How dare he?”
”I want him back..I can’t live without him”
These three sentences were the only three things revolving in my mind the entire flight.I was so thankful I did not know anybody in the flight an I prayed the seats next to me were empty.Please God.I don’t want people to think I am a ”Broken Angel” if you know what I mean.
While all those ”I hate everything about this stupid world” was going on in my head,my expression was black,my eyes were moist,my face was dark ….all this negativity and I hear someone with an angelic voice humming.
I looked around and I saw this very beautiful woman in the air hostess uniform,she was fixing stuffs I did not care what she was fixing,unaware that I was looking at her hum and be so happy.
Damn my mind becomes selfish when it is sad. I was mad at her for no reason..annoyed with her because she did not understand that my whole world had torn apart.She was busy ”humming” and being happy with her job!.
She walked down the aisle and paused when she saw me,gave me this sincere warm smile and asked me;’
‘Is there anything I can do for you mam?”
”YES! Come sit with me and listen to me whine about how this world sucks! Feel sorry for me..tell me I am beautiful at least on the inside and show me motivational videos about weight loss and How to not care about your Ex maybe?
I shook my head as a no and forced a weak smile..,”You really love your job don’t you?” I asked
‘‘Yes mam! I love what I do! Enjoy your services with Jet Airways” and she walked away with a smile.
WHAT THE HELL WAS I DOING?
Just because I am sad does not mean people need to come feel sorry for me.I was being so sorry for myself that I was not seeing any substance within me because of the ”biiiiiiig fog of sorry”.She had every single right to hum and celebrate her life I was nobody to let her stop being happy because I was sad.I stopped being the jealous person who I had to stop being 3 hrs ago.It was never the world that was insensitive.IT WAS ME! damn too much emotional stress to deal with but that woman who hummed like an angel made me realise that all I have to be new is change my point of view…and to be happy I need to stop expecting so much from”the world” It does not need to understand and it wont either…it will move on even if you pause(or stop).And that is totally okay..this does not mean you are insignificant..it just means you should stop giving an ef about people and things that do not really matter.