Aama’s American Dream

He said it is the land of dreams,the land of the free.

I said nothing in return.

He said it is unlike anything we have ever seen before and nothing in our ‘silly little village’

I did not protest for I have not seen much.

You see I have not been there till now and I do not know if I will be able to go there in this life.The khaire in Kathmandu did not allow me to go….Is it not funny that a mother needs to be given permit by a complete stranger in order to go visit her own son?

Maybe he did not allow me to go because he found out I could not sign my own name like Renu Miss.I do not even know how my name is spelled or if it is ever spelled correctly.Maybe someone who does not know the correct spelling of her name does not deserve to be noticed.

You see Renu Miss is the brightest woman in our village,she is the only woman who does not have ink marks on her thumb when she needs to sign important papers.Even though the stains were temporary on my thumbs,I have forever been embarrassed for not being able to  read and write like her.Is it not funny how ink stains are enough to stain your entire life?

When Renu miss came to my house for  chiya  to tell me my Ravi was meant for ‘bigger things in life’ and that our village was ‘too small’ for him I changed my mind about her.After all being able to sign your name does not necessarily mean you will leave your mark wherever you go.

You see as a matter of fact our village is getting bigger and emptier for more and more youngsters are leaving.I definitely do not think it is ‘too small’,I really think our village needs at least a dozen more Ravis to make it lively but no one cares about what I think so I keep my thoughts to myself.

According to Ravi noone there worries about what time the water comes in the tap because the water runs from the tap all the time! I wonder what it is like to not compete with the neighbors at 1AM on who will pump more water.I think for me that will be heaven being able to sleep till 5AM in the morning without worrying about water.

He said the roads there are silky smooth and the buildings reach the sky.I wonder why they have not met Bramha if they can reach the sky,if I could reach the sky I would definitely ask him where Ravi’s father is and if he still remembers me.Actually no I would not ask that I would ask him something else but I will not tell you what it is.My aama used to say you do not share your prayers with Gods with anyone else for it will not be answered….

He said he had to explain the term ‘loadshedding’ there to his khaire friends even if it is an English word and he found that terribly funny that they did not know what that meant.A lot of times people do not know fully understand the meaning of words and emotions not necessarily because they are stupid but just because they do not know and I do not think it is okay to laugh at not knowing things.I do not know a lot of things and I do not like being laughed at.People have never asked me what I like though so I do not tell them.

Ravi sent me a picture of him with his motor car,it is bigger than our house here.I do not know how he handles things that are that big all by himself. He did not even make his own bed when he was here.Whenever I take the bus to Kathmandu I try my best to take the seat next to driver bhai, just to feel how it would if I sat next to Ravi in his big shiny red car.You see I have never really sat on a motor car before but I would like to feel I know how it feels.

Ravi said  not to expect him to come home during Dashain because he is no longer Hindu,I really can not imagine how ‘free’ this America is where you can choose your own religion like that.I did not even know that you can choose which Gods you follow before Ravi told me there was a choice.If I had a choice I would not follow Gods because they have never really answered any of my prayers.

One time when Ravi was about 6 years old he asked me what my dream was.I told him I did not have any. You see not all mothers dream of their son becoming someone they could not become  ,some mothers are happy with their sons as they are in their present.I did not think I could explain to Ravi with the little words I knew that he was actually my dream come true.Sometimes you do not understand that a human being can be your form of dreams and nightmares combined into one and the things you do not understand you can not explain.

Ravi does not know he is my dream because I never told him.He said  he is in the land of dreams, in the land of the free I hope my heart,my dream blooms there freely.